


Rev Up Those Car Seats

by pictureswithboxes



Category: Kill la Kill
Genre: F/F, another shitty baby au because jess enables me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-16
Updated: 2014-07-16
Packaged: 2018-02-09 03:55:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,207
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1968018
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pictureswithboxes/pseuds/pictureswithboxes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A very short oneshot about how kids basically suck.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Rev Up Those Car Seats

“Diaper bag?” Nonon called as she handed her son a couple animal crackers.

“Check!” Satsuki replied, taking inventory of the bag. “Is the sunscreen in your purse?”

“It should be in yours.” Nonon said.

It was that time of the summer when everyone gathered at the beach for some reason. Neither Satsuki nor Nonon remembered why it was a tradition, all they knew was that they had opted out the past two years. The first time was because Nonon was newly pregnant and kept having to vomit, the second was because no one, not even Satsuki and Nonon, wanted to spend their beach day with two six month old children. This year, however, everyone, especially Mako, had assured the mothers that it was perfectly alright to bring the twins.

“I found it.” Satsuki said, lifting Mayu up and putting her in the play pen. “You’re absolutely not allowed to eat sunscreen.”

Mayu furrowed her brow and glared at her mother before turning around and putting her head on the ground.

“Well as long as you feel bad.” Satsuki rolled her eyes and put the sunscreen in the diaper bag. “God you’re evil.”

“I gave your son the Baby Tylenol, he should be okay for the trip.” Nonon said, handing Hibiki a Sippy cup full of apple juice mixed with water. “How’s the monster doing?”

“She’s reflecting.” Satsuki sighed, shouldering the bags. “I’ll take these down to the car, then we can leave.”

“Alright.” Nonon shrugged, watching as Satsuki left the apartment.

Hibiki stood next to the play pen, banging his hand against the bar as he watched Mayu stand up and wipe tears out of her eyes. Nonon sighed and lifted her daughter out of the play pen, kissing her cheek as she did so. Mayu let out a little giggle and then tugged Nonon’s hair before she kissed Nonon back, only to bite her mother’s cheek when she finished.

“Jesus Christ!” Nonon shouted, never in her life had she felt the need to throw a baby before. Other than the all the other times she wanted to throw her daughter. “God! Why do you do this!?”

“Hi!” Hibiki said loudly, making Nonon look down. “Hi! Hi!”

“Hello, little man.” Nonon sighed, setting Mayu down and allowing her to destroy more of her parents’ home. “Your sister is a turd.”

“Itter turb.” Hibiki repeated, pointing to Mayu. “Itter turb!”

“Hey, don’t say that!” Nonon exclaimed, only to turn when she heard Satsuki walk in.

“Hello, sweetheart.” Satsuki mumbled when Mayu ran over to her, picking up the child and kissing her on the cheek. “What are you doing out of jail?”

“Hi!” Mayu replied, tugging on Satsuki’s hair. “Hi! Hi!”

“I sprung her.” Nonon sighed, grabbing her purse and Hibiki. “Ready to go buh-byes?”

“Buh-buh!” Mayu repeated, patting Satsuki’s face and grabbing her eyebrow. “Buh-buh!”

“I’m not leaving.” Satsuki held the door open for Nonon as her wife left before turning off the light and locking the door. “Are you excited?”

“Cite!” Hibiki called from the other side of the hall.

“Come on, you asshole!” Nonon shouted, making Satsuki roll her eyes.

“Stop swearing around the babies.” Satsuki sighed.

“Ah-ho!”

“God dammit!”

Satsuki and Nonon loaded the twins into the car, Mayu sat behind Satsuki while Hibiki sat behind Nonon’s seat. Nonon gave each twin a bottle of milk and their blankets while Satsuki finished buckling their belts and grabbing their toys. Mayu accepted her rabbit happily, while Hibiki merely allowed his duck to sit on his lap. Once the twins were settled, Satsuki and Nonon got into the car.

The moment Satsuki started the ignition, Hibiki started shouting at his mothers to ‘op it’ before throwing his duck to the floor. Nonon sighed and grabbed the toy, putting it in her son’s lap before catching the bottle that he had thrown. Nonon groaned when Hibiki’s shouts turned into screams not five seconds later.

“Hi!” Mayu exclaimed, looking at her reflection in the window. “Hi! Hi!”

“Op it!” Hibiki shouted, throwing his arms in the air and smacking his car seat. “Op it!”

Mayu let out a little grunt and looked at her brother irritably. “Biki, op it!” She said angrily.

Nonon plugged her phone into the car and scrolled down to her playlist of all of Hibiki’s favorite songs, grinning when she played the music. Hibiki’s crying didn’t stop, but it did quiet down a little as he tried to voice his anger but also listen to the music. A sigh escaped Satsuki’s lips when she was finally able to concentrate on the road, it really would be nice to not crash on their way to the beach.

“He’ll pass out at some point.” Satsuki said after a couple minutes. “We just don’t know when.”

“Mama!” Mayu shouted, taking a sip of her bottle. “Biki op it!”

“I’m sorry, sweetheart.” Satsuki sighed while Nonon handed her an animal cracker. “He’ll stop it soon, we hope.”

* * *

Two hours later, and Hibiki was still shouting angrily. At one point, Mayu had decided to throw her rabbit at her younger brother, trying to silence him, but only managing to lose her rabbit. As Hibiki got more and more tired, he got more and more irritable as he fought to stay awake. Nonon had climbed into the back seat about an hour and a half earlier in order to make sure that Hibiki didn’t lose anything or throw his bottle too far out of reach. God, she wanted to throw a baby.

Nonon looked over at Mayu and she noticed that her daughter had fallen asleep despite Hibiki’s screaming. Satsuki frowned when she glanced into the backseat, her brow furrowing when Hibiki threw another animal cracker at his mother. With an irritated grumble, Nonon ate the cracker, making her son let out another shout.

“We should have given him more drugs!” Nonon exclaimed, resigning herself to her fate of having animal crackers thrown at her for the rest of the ride. “Why did we have kids!?”

Satsuki rolled her eyes. “We have ten minutes left.”

“But then we have the ride back!” Nonon grumbled, glaring at Hibiki when he shouted again. “You are the devil, you know that?”

“No! No! No!” Hibiki screamed, swinging his fist and hitting Nonon in the mouth.

* * *

Satsuki parked next to Gamagori’s muscle car and sighed. The moment she turned the car off, Hibiki stopped screaming, much to his mothers’ relief. With a sigh, Satsuki helped Nonon climb out of the car and they began to unpack the car and head over to where the others had set up.

“Wow, I don’t think I’ve ever seen your evil spawn asleep.” Ryuko greeted, poking Mayu’s forehead. “I thought the devil never slept.”

“Hi!” Hibiki exclaimed, extending his arms for Ryuko to take him from Nonon. “Hi! Hi!”

“Why is it that you’re the good one?” Ryuko asked, bringing her nephew over to the water. “Wanna go swimming, buddy?”

“Simmy!” Hibiki repeated.

Satsuki and Nonon stood side by side, watching as their friends doted on their son, treating him like the most well behaved child that they had ever seen. Neither woman had the heart to tell them about the hell that they had just went through.


End file.
